After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
