I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
