in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
