i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
