Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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