I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
