We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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