Your face is a jimmy john
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
