I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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