3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
