There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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