if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
