Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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