roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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