I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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