I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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