So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
