Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
