It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
