I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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