if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
