i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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