ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
