After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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