the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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