she smelled like a LAN party
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
