You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
