Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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