Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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