threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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