i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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