You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
