I only kidnapped one of them. chill
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
