i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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