Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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