My brain says no but my pants say off.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
