life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We need to get me chipped asap
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
