Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
