Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
