i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
