if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
