I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
