There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
