he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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