I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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