If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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