There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
