im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
