put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
