I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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