and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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