I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
