I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
