thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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