I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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