my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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