we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
