Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
