im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
