buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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