Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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