one two three fourrrrnication!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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